Moving on with change

The prospect of moving on is really much scarier than the action. It’s terrifying to think that things may not always be what they are RIGHT now.

As humans, evolution is in our past, present and future. We are engineered to be in a constant state of “change” and I for one am truly excited for this. This is why we are never truly “happy”- happiness is merely is a lie. We will never be “happy” with anything ; always wanting more. The better hair style, clothes, body, job, personality, etc etc - we are built for this.

However, I want to focus more on the “change” aspect as opposed to the “better than”. We will never be “better than” anyone else or anything, but we CAN be better versions of ourselves. We can make the conscious decision to finish school properly, find a good job, have the right friends and meet the right member of the opposite sex.

All these things require us to change, but also instigate a change within us.

Ain’t life grand?

If you knew better you’d do better.

"If you want to die, do that. But if you want to live, get on with it"

Meow Meow

My hatred for “kitty” heels simply grows day after day.  Any “heel” less than 3” is not worth looking at let alone buying, but why am I the only person who thinks this?

I’m a tall girl, at 5’8 and would rather be in flats or sky-high heels, the bigger the better, or else, what’s the point?  Why even bother with a “heel” that does not elongate your legs, raise your bum and make everyone envious of your ‘model’ height?

I fell hard. Albeit, for the wrong person, but my god, I fell. So deep the ocean would be jealous. I was never the type to stick around, I would be infatuated with someone and then get over it quickly just because the person did not match up to my expectations.

But him.

He was special. He didnt meet my expectations, he surpassed them. He consumed me in everyway, and I him. His laugh was infectious, his smile pursuasive and his demeanour, when he wanted to, was far too compelling for a man his age. Most men will go throughout their lives not knowing what it’s like to walk in to a room and completely own it. Not him. He knew.

His aura was one to be admired, so intoxicating even the scent of his skin became the musk of a generation. If the dating world was futile, his smile gave hope. He was who he was with no apologies; take him or leave him. And if I was smart I’d have done so sooner.

But I’m not smart, am I?

Years of schooling could not prepare me to understand the inner-workings of a man who never wanted to be understood- only loved. But that love was something even he could not accept. He always looked for more, maybe even better.

But the difference between a boy and a man is that a man knows that the world means nothing without the love of a good-hearted, selfless and strong woman. Is it possible to be truly happy with the adulation of many, without real love from one?

I guess he’ll find out now.

Inspiration dwindling

.. In starting a new job, retail nonetheless, I have found myself uninspired. Customer service really is a tiring and busy industry where artists seem to lose their ‘mojo’ and I need to snap out of it.

I used to write everyday. I used to read every other day. Now I’m rushing out of the house to help people who really do need an attitude adjustment.

I need to feel like myself again, I need to BE myself again.

"Prior Experience Necessary"

"My name is Jessica and I am a recent York University graduate…"

Since June 2012 I have become strangely familiar with writing that line, I know it off by heart and where exactly it should be place within one of the hundreds of cover letters I have written. I graduated with a BA in English Literature in October 2012 and of every single job posting I applied for, full-time, part-time and even internships, the only job I could successfully land is close to home; and for my father. 

I am grateful to have this business to fall-back on, but there’s not much writing involved in filing and window-quotation preparation.  The only problem is, University did not prepare me for the full-time job that is LOOKING for a full-time job.  Everyone I’ve spoken to has said the same thing, that they have been unnsucessful in finding something substantial in the field that they have studied.  I, however, have located many jobs in my field, but lack the experience to actually receive the job.  I am fully aware that an employer cannot just randomly place a former-student in a job that she knows nothing about, but what happened to the employers who cared enough about their workers to offer some-sort of training.  It’s not rocket science here, people, it’s an assistant to the Editor or Internship at a magazine - we’re not constructing a spaceshuttle to send cats in. 

Literally, and I mean LITERALLY, every posting for an internship I have looked a specfically states, “previous experience is necessary” or “prior experience is essential to succeeding in this job”.  I don’t know about anyone else but, can one gain experience if one cannot EVER just receive the job?  I appreciate the fact that these employers have high standards, as do I which is why I’m even applying for the job, but knowing how hard the economy is right now, these employers are REALLY that picky?  How are we really supposed to stay positive when every response is a rejection?

Furthermore, are we supposed to take this as a life-lesson?  “When in doubt, try, try, again?” NO. It’s more like, “when in doubt, crawl into bed for a week with a tub of icecream and hatch a ‘get-rich-quick’ scheme”.   This rejection cannot be good for the psyche, and we will most likely just carry this negativity on in the other parts of our live: family, friends, relationships.  As if dating wasn’t hard enough, let’s add this to list, “prior experience required”.

With a University degree, I had no idea that I would be having the same amount of trouble in the work-force as an immigrant new to the country.  If I have to start driving cabs or baking bread, I wish all my customers luck; because I have no experience.